Nothing like it.

I'm sitting behind a little partition in the library on campus and thinking to myself about how much I hoped to have accomplished by this time in my life. I was supposed to have graduated by now. It sounds ridiculous. How often do our dreams that didn't come true keep us from dreaming again? My life is not what I thought it would be by now. It's not depression. It's a sort of hunger. I'm about to start the third month of my fifth year in college and instead of looking forward to leaving this place and finding a life of my own I'm looking at a sixth year before I can finally have the chance at attending medical school. I keep telling myself that medical school in Mexico or some other country would be both adventurous and fascinating, but I know that I'll have four years of school wherever I land and I want them to be an adventurous, unexpected four years. It's not a funk or a rut that I'm suffering from. Like I said, it's a hunger. I don't know exactly what will satisfy it, but I know that if I don't find a way to obtain it soon I'll drop everything and go searching for it. It's odd what we want and what we crave. There's a difference, I guess. My cravings are selfish and really only benefit myself. My wants are selfless and benefit everyone. I never have time to indulge in my cravings because my wants override the craving whatever part of me is trying to sooth.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

I think my heart - maybe even my soul - is reaching for something fresh. Like a man stranded in the desert, something inside me needs a drink of water, a taste of something life-giving and life-affirming. I live a very scheduled life and I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere.

Help.

That's all for now.