It's funny to think that there's only one shot at this life. For all those believing in reincarnation keep in mind that we only have one shot at this life. We can't relive it. Anyway, you have to have guts to live your life the way you want to. That's why I'm coming to the realization that while we've got our friends to lean on, we're each alone in deciding what kind of life we're going to lead. Almost everyone I know in this town will be gone within a matter of months. They'll go on to live their lives according to their plans and I love them for the courage they may not know they have.
The thing is, I've spent the last 5 years of my life looking for the role model I wanted to mold myself after. I realize now that that person doesn't exist. I've had the image of that person in my head for quite some time, but I've waited until now to do the research on how to become that person. I can't be anyone but who I am. How could I be my own person if I modeled my life after someone else? I think I'm better off trying to be my own ideal person than searching for some real person to plagiarize. It's better to live by my own view of what I want to be than by someone else's.
I don't have to live selfishly to be happy, but I have to keep in mind what makes me happy. Helping others makes me happy. The "prolonging lives" and "improving health" bits define my career, but that's how I want to help. I can still be my own person while doing that.
So, all I need to do now is have some guts and live my life the way I can see it being lived. It requires a lot of planning and reorganization, but I'm up for the task. I've grown up more in the last year or so than ever before. I've never felt so alive.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Old Men
A lot of people have known their grandfathers. I am one of those who has never known either of them. Both of my grandfathers died in the mid-70s so I missed out on learning in person what kind of men they were. One would think that I would have found a grandfather-type person to look up to, but I still have moments when I have to remind myself that my own father is around. I guess I got used to having to live without him when I was younger.
I suppose I should say why I'm even writing this. I've got this curiosity as to the man I could have been had I gotten to know the men my parents once knew and called Dad. I would like to have seen the traits and quirks my grandfathers shared with my parents. To have seen what men they were would be a dream come true, but I'll have to make my own assessment of who they were from their children and the stories their children have of them.
In the meantime, I'm searching for someone willing to clue me in on what having a grandfather is like. I didn't have many male role models growing up. My brother thought he could be the father type with me, but while he tried to play the part I sort of missed out on what it was like to have a brother. So much for the male role models of my childhood. By all accounts, I had none. I don't regret much of anything in hindsight, but I know it would have been nice not to have felt so isolated and alone as a child.
Old men have experienced a lot more than I can fathom right now. If I can find someone with a cache of wisdom to talk with, look up to, and be supported by I just might be better equipped to handle my future obstacles. I may never find such a person and even if I don't it simply means that I will have to work harder and make a few more mistakes than I would have had I been able to take the advice of someone more seasoned than myself. I'm not afraid to go it alone. I've done it before, but I wouldn't mind the company.
I suppose I should say why I'm even writing this. I've got this curiosity as to the man I could have been had I gotten to know the men my parents once knew and called Dad. I would like to have seen the traits and quirks my grandfathers shared with my parents. To have seen what men they were would be a dream come true, but I'll have to make my own assessment of who they were from their children and the stories their children have of them.
In the meantime, I'm searching for someone willing to clue me in on what having a grandfather is like. I didn't have many male role models growing up. My brother thought he could be the father type with me, but while he tried to play the part I sort of missed out on what it was like to have a brother. So much for the male role models of my childhood. By all accounts, I had none. I don't regret much of anything in hindsight, but I know it would have been nice not to have felt so isolated and alone as a child.
Old men have experienced a lot more than I can fathom right now. If I can find someone with a cache of wisdom to talk with, look up to, and be supported by I just might be better equipped to handle my future obstacles. I may never find such a person and even if I don't it simply means that I will have to work harder and make a few more mistakes than I would have had I been able to take the advice of someone more seasoned than myself. I'm not afraid to go it alone. I've done it before, but I wouldn't mind the company.
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