Twice As Far

If anyone wants you to help carry a load, go with him twice as far.

- Matthew 5:41 (Worldwide English)

I love this verse. While I still have objections to what most Christians believe God to be about, this translation helps me connect at least emotionally to the kind of being God is. Serving is a form of worship for me. I feel like I've accomplished something not only for those being served, but for myself. I'm sacrificing time to help someone in need. By doing twice as much as I'm expected to I'll reap twice the reward. That reward may simply be a sense of satisfaction in my work, but that's all I want. I want to feel like I'm making a difference. I guess I need that feeling. I feel motivated when I've helped others because I've helped myself learn what it is to be a better person. Maybe there's a gene for generosity. If I can find a way to turn it on in everyone I will have improved the course of evolution as well as the human condition. Ah, pipe dreams!

"Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is. The most important product of his effort is his own personality."
- Erich Fromm

My life is one large bundle of change right now. I'm moving, finally receiving help in school (and life), and I am looking for a mentor. I'm also about to start working in health care once I finish my certification course. I'm looking for leadership, volunteer, and research opportunities. So far, this school year promises not to disappoint.

Everything's Not Lost

Well, the results are in. I worry too much.

In an effort not to divulge too much information I won't be saying much about my diagnoses. I will say, however, that none of the results from my testing are surprising. My IQ fell in the "Very Superior" range. I'm up there with the movers and shakers as far as IQ is concerned.

Something that is important to note is that people in the range I showed up in generally have perfect or near-perfect GPAs. Now that I know what the problem is and how do address it I expect to be performing much like those in my range - if not exceeding them. The whole process of having the results shown to me gave me a lot of hope. Later, when I was sitting at home listening to music, I turned on one of my favorite playlists and the song "Everything's Not Lost" by Coldplay started playing. It has been my theme music for the day. It just goes to show that in five years of schooling and feeling like a miserable failure I can still feel confident in my abilities to become whatever I want to be. While that goal hasn't changed in four of those years, it seems much more attainable now. I know I can do it. Give me some time to adjust to this new approach and I'll fill you all in on my performance.

Peace and Love,
The Unencumbered

Define Your Legacy

And did you exchange a walk-on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
- "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd

Are you comfortable with conformity? If not, are you willing to accept that you might not get anywhere by living outside the norm?

I'm not comfortable with conformity. I have to accept that everything I'm doing in hopes of realizing my dreams might all be for naught, but I will not sit by and do nothing. I have to accept that by not choosing the easy road I might be setting myself up for disappointment. All I know is that I owe it to myself to fight for what I want. If at some point I come to the conclusion that my dream may not come true I'll at least be able to say I gave it my best shot. It doesn't matter that playing the lead role has limitations. I believe that we each define our limitations. I might end up in a cage, but I intend to define the size of the cage.
I choose the lead role. I can be a team player in academia and my career, but I have to play the lead in living my life. I will not wait for someone to tell me what to do with it.
I choose to be extraordinary and remarkable in spite of the limitations the world may create for me. They are not insurmountable.

I may not have a perfect résumé or grade point average, but surrendering because of my imperfections would make me a coward. Those imperfections make me more qualified than most.

We learn wisdom from failure much more than from success. We often discover what will do, by finding out what will not do; and probably he who never made a mistake never made a discovery.
- Samuel Smiles

While others may see my breaking free from the crowd negatively, they may not hold such an assertion once they see what I am capable of. I cannot give up, nor will I.