GET PUMPED!

I'm pumped! I love all of my courses this semester. I'm thinking about taking a certification course at a tech center nearby. I think I'll wait a week or two before I enroll if I decide to do so. Anyway, I'm feeling great about the future. I've been much more optimistic than usual.

Life is beautiful. I must be in love with something. Maybe I'm in love with school, my career, someone, or something else. I don't know what it is. All I know is that music is sweeter, people seem warmer, the sky is clearer, and I am more confident than I've ever been. It's taken me a while to get it, but life is beautiful no matter the circumstances, the lack of money, the condition or appearance of your house or car, the amount of love you get, or how awful you might let yourself feel. Life is beautiful. Seeing the beauty makes the ugliness tolerable. To me, I have every chance at being successful. Success is not a series of actions, but an attitude.

Life is good. I'm working out the kinks and I have new perspective.

That's all for now.

Full Circle

Organic Chemistry is over with and I’m a little nervous about my grade. The professor sent an e-mail to the students saying that he had our final grades tallied but that we would need to e-mail him requesting our grades. I had a B going into the final, but I’m nervous about my final grade because the final exam was so difficult. I shouldn’t worry, but I can’t help it.

No worries. If my goal is to lead an interesting, successful, and fulfilling life I can’t live in fear, can I? My birthday is a week from this Saturday and I can’t believe I’m going to be 23 years old. Time is going by so quickly and I always feel like I don’t have much to show for it. I know that will change when I finally graduate, but graduation is an uncertain date far in the future.

I read an entry I posted one year ago today and can’t help but question what happened to the person who wrote it. I’ve changed so much since that day and yet I’m still the same person. Just as I was doing last year I’m thinking about the future, searching for a job, stewing over taking the MCAT, and looking forward to a challenging semester. Anyone can see that I have reason for feeling like I’ve accomplished nothing this past year. I still have so much to accomplish and I think I’m finally ready to achieve the goals I’ve clung to for so long.

Oh Lady

So, I was sitting in class today and the professor put our grades on the overhead projector. Somehow I have a B in Organic Chemistry II. I'm amazed. It's possible to get an A if I do well on the final. Sweet action.

Anyway, the fall semester doesn't start for another three weeks, but I'm already feeling the pinch. The total at OU for textbooks is $761.70. The total would be $826.43 with tax. Ouch. I'm going to www.campusbooks.com to get a listing of the lowest prices on the internet for each book. The total I'll pay online is about $316.57 or $343.67 with tax (if included). Even so, does anyone have a rich uncle? Know any loan sharks?

I think the price of textbooks is ridiculous. Publishing companies are committing highway robbery. I can't believe there hasn't been a wave of outrage and opposition against these prices. Even at half the price, the cost is ridiculous.

Now, with the cost of books, tuition, fees, rent, utilities, food, clothing, gasoline, and other bills, I need a job more than ever. If you've got any good ideas or know of any high-paying jobs out there LET ME KNOW!

Gotta get some work done.
That's all for now.

Oddity

What an interesting weekend this was. I mean, the zoo is always fun and movies are too, but there's something to be said for the man who walks down the street with a package of beef jerky in his back left pocket and a tube of Aspercreme in the other. What kind of situation does one need to be in for those specific products to be on one's person? I mean, come on. The dude was Mexican, probably a vaquero by what I gathered from his attire, and he seemed very clean-cut save the jerky and topical analgesic. So interesting. Some people never cease to baffle me.

I haven't written much lately because my laptop is on the fritz. I'm using the campus computers right now and that's putting a serious damper on my porn habit. I kid, I kid. Nevertheless, a brand-spankin'-new laptop should not be attempting to commit suicide. Confound Dell and their low prices. I really wish I'd bought an Apple, but price was an issue. Anyway, who really cares, right? It's just a thing. Things can be fixed. If they can't be fixed they can be replaced. If they can't be replaced we can always get some beef jerky and Aspercreme and that should help the pain go away. Hmm... nope. That's not what those things do. I'm still trying to figure that out.

Preceding the meat-loving-vaquero-with-Aspercreme siting my friend and I drove by this hoity-toity Italian restaurant in downtown Oklahoma City. We wanted to go in, but there was a black tie requirement and that wouldn't have gone well with my shorts and sweaty t-shirt. I'm glad we still have pretentious eating establishments though. This fast food nation needs to put a little more uppity in its give-a-damn. Right now, our give-a-damn is broken. That's not always a bad thing, mind you. Apathy has its advantages.

That's all for now.

Failure

I can’t understand why we program ourselves to fail. It’s like we need to fail in order to have an excuse for not trying the next time an opportunity arises. Why do we do this? There are plenty of opportunities to succeed, but we pass them up because we think they won’t be very helpful to us. Somewhere along the line I’ve allowed myself to get complacent with the idea that I could never be anything but a C student. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I’m immensely intelligent, but I’ve allowed myself to settle for less. I don’t know how I’ve let myself do it either. I hate losing. You’d think I would have found a way out of this rut by now. I’m not used to winning, so when I actually do I’m very graceful about it. I know I’m not that kind of person. I mean, I like to think I’m reasonably humble, all things considered. I don’t know why I allow myself to feel so defeated sometimes.
It angers me to think about how much we would rather live average lives than fight for success. Maybe it’s just me, but this is something I’m disgusted with. I think far too deeply to figure out how to dig myself out of this hole, so I’m just going to have to tell myself that I won’t settle anymore. I don’t know what frame of mind to have other than one of anger to conquer this sickening cycle of self-sabotage.
I’ve made quite a few mistakes in my life, but I’ve allowed trivial matters to destroy my hope for better things. I’ve allowed myself to think that I’ll never get a job in Norman because I’ve been shot down so many times before. What I neglect to tell myself is that I have had two jobs in Norman and that I just need to fight harder for the next one – the one that will give my career the jumpstart it needs.
I saw a really uplifting movie recently, but the only reason the main character won was because his family came and did most of the work for him. Yes, my family is helping support me financially, but my success if dependent only on myself. If I don’t do what’s necessary to meet my goals no amount of help from my family will save me. Honestly, I feel that getting a good-paying job will afford me more independence and responsibility because I’ll be paying for my living expenses as well as my tuition and fees. Also, I’ll have a way to say “I earned that,” and, “I made that.” The balance in my check register will show the fruits of my hard work. That, in turn, will boost my self-confidence.
Anyway, money is not what I’m trying to talk about. I’m trying to talk about avoiding failure. I know failure is inevitable, but it isn’t the be-all end-all of life. We get back up and try again. As much as I argue that I’ve done my best, I haven’t. I’m so much better than a C student. I’m equipped to do well, I just misuse what I’ve got.
I used to keep a schedule of things I needed to do, but I ended up ambitiously adding so much to the list that I didn’t get any of it done. I’m not asking for help. I’m just going to try something new and look back several weeks from now and see what’s changed. Keep up with me and I’ll let you know how things go.
That’s all for now.
Deuces.

Friday Friday

So, I walked out of the exam a few moments ago and didn't feel badly about it. I actually slept some last night and although I woke up wanting to stay in bed I got up and went to class for my exam. Although I could have stayed up all night studying and perhaps done better on the exam, the rest I got was far better for me. As I sat down to write today my friend Brittney called me and told me that all of the multiple choice answers had been listed underneath each question. I never noticed them and am kicking myself because I didn't recognize and take advantage of them. I feel better knowing I worked the problems out though. There is always time to learn, even during an exam. Anyway, the rest of the exam was more difficult but I think I did well considering how little studying I got done this week. Getting an education can be difficult, but being sick while pursuing that education makes it much more daunting. I guess that goes without saying.

Anyway, now that the exam is over the weekend has begun. It's a rainy Friday, but I'm sure I can find something to do. I've been meaning to get some reading done this summer and I read the prologue to The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama last night before I fell asleep. It's pretty interesting. I've got a long list of books to read. I think I'm closing in on 100 right now. My goal is to read about 5,000 or so before I die. I'd better get crackin'. There's nothing worth watching on TV anyway.

That's all for now.

Indian Hunting

Ok. Let's talk. I went to class this morning and fully expected that no one would know what was going on. We're all so lost that we don't even know what questions to ask. Keep in mind that this is an upper-division college course. It's hard. My friend David asked a question and the professor couldn't understand him so he asked David to show what he was asking on the board. He went to the board, asked his question, and the professor belittled him in front of everyone. "Do you not understand resonance? Have you not taken Chemistry before? What is it you do not undastand?!", he yelled. He continued to lambast David. I'll tell you what, if I had been in David's position I would have either turned red with embarrassment or gotten violently confrontational. David is a bigger person than me, I guess. Another friend of mine called the professor out in front of everyone, so the professor gave David 1 (that's ONE) bonus point as an apology for being an ass. Yes, an ass. That's the nicest label I'll afford him. I used some very appropriate labels in class, but I'll be nice and call him an ass on here. Anyway, if he is the same way tonight at the review session I'm going to call him out. He's much nicer to the people who won't take his crap. Since that's the case, I'll expect my A at the end of the semester.
I have a problem when he says you'll be an awful doctor because you're having trouble grasping a certain concept. People aren't born knowing how to do this stuff. It takes a lot of work. We're all busting our butts and the professor is tormenting us. I make a habit of loving everyone, but I'm on the verge of hating this guy. Oh well, I'm about to talk to his higher-ups. If he wants to play hardball, well, game on.

That's all for now. Let's hope I don't get arrested for battery.
Peace.