Flashback

Once again I was having trouble sleeping last night so I listened to some music and played some computer games while refusing to blink until my eyes watered. It sounds stupid, but it has a history of working. ;)

Anyway, while I was performing my ocular excercises, I had a flashback to my childhood. It was my 5th grade year when my family lived in Montana. I was sitting in class when I was called upon by my substitute teacher to answer a question. The substitute teacher went to my church and I knew him well. He had actually been the 5th grade teacher the year before, but had decided to retire and substitute teach when needed. I answered the question correctly when I was called upon, but instead of telling me I was correct he said, "Oh, what do you know? Your dad drives a truck," as if that was somehow a factor in my intelligence. Needless to say, I wrestled with his statement for about a minute trying to hold back tears before breaking down and crying in front of my entire class. Now, it wasn't that he called my intelligence into question that hurt so much. While it was true that my father did drive a truck, my substitute teacher had no idea how much I missed my dad. I vividly remember one of the girls in class turning around, seeing me struggling, and then calling the sub's attention to me. The substitute asked if he had hurt my feelings so I told him he had. I don't remember getting an apology. If I got one I would have remembered if it was sincere or not. I usually remember when I feel like people are being sincere. All I remember after that was how much I missed my dad and how much I hated my substitute for reminding me of it.

My dad is incredibly intelligent, but instead of pursuing an education he took a good-paying job that took him away from his family so we would be taken care of. My sub had no idea that I would have given almost anything to have my dad home every night to see us.

Anyway, when my real teacher came back a few days later he asked me why I gave my sub such a hard time and why I acted out so much in class. I hadn't though. My sub had told my teacher that I acted out in order to cover what he had said. Anyway, that is the only time I can remember being so affected by what someone else said. I learned then that it doesn't matter what people think or say about me. It's my perception of myself that truly matters.

Sorry for the sob story. I just needed to write that down. Someone will remember it for me when I'm gone.


Life is good, for those of you who were wondering. I'm doing well in school and am having a blast learning all this cool stuff. I would have done so much better in my previous classes if the focus had been more on how what I was learning was actually worth knowing. They don't do that at public universities though. The goal is to get my money.

My course at the tech center is more involved than I planned on it being. It's incredibly easy, but it's time consuming and there are quite a few hoops to jump through. I'll get it taken care of though. It's just a matter of time and appropriate planning.

I also e-mailed my professor about going to Mexico again over the winter break. If this semester is going to end up being as challenging as I think it will be, the trip to Mexico will be a reward well deserved.

I'm trying to volunteer at a few places as well as start a work-out regimen. I need to be in reasonably good shape when I hit the beach at Manzanillo.

That's all for now!